J’aimerai lui dire.

By Cécile Chabert »:

 

Forbidden Salsera (2).

It is the season of Forbidden Salsera », and no matter how hard I try to be good, I seem constantly drawn to the forbidden fruit of their temptation. And the more forbidden, the better. Is it the having of what one should not have? The tasting of what one should not taste? Why is their fruit available to me in the first place? Why are they so fun to chase?

I must not be trying too hard to be good, but who wants good? Afterall, spicy salsa is supposed to be a little bad. I prefer the R-rated kind of connection vs. the PG-13 kind of connection. And I prefer the R-rated kind of salsera vs. the PG-13 kind of salsera. My problem, I think, is that I can never say ‘no’ when a salsera says ‘yes’, even if she is forbidden salsera.

I was re-reading some stories on Edie’s Salsa Stories » website, and came across this entertaining 10-part series describing a salsa gigolo’s progress from beginner to player to post-player:
1 » 2 » 3 » 4 » 5 » 6 » 7 » 8 » 9 » 10 »
This is followed by a Commentary », and the 2nd post in this Commentary is a very well-written response essay by Alberto. It’s a long read, but I like what he has to say.

 

The Wedding Date.

The Wedding Date (2005) – 63/100 – Passable flick about a gigolo for hire.

Some of my favourite actors in this movie:
Dermot Mulroney – suave gigolo, who can also dance.

Debra Messing – cute client.

Amy Adams – cute and fresh sister of cute client.

Trailer:

Cinematography – 8/10
Story – 7/10
Pacing – 7/10
Action and Dialogue – 6/10
Impact – 6/10
Characters – 6/10
Originality – 8/10

Music – 8/10
Salsa/ Dance – 2/10
Makes you want to be a salsa gigolo – 5/10

Total – 63/100

 

Deep Thoughts by Salsa Gigolo.

Sometimes a salsera will say no when I ask her to dance, and I’ll feel like I need a hug or something to make me feel better. But sometimes a salsera will say yes, and afterwards she’ll give me a great big hug, and I’ll feel like I won the lottery.

 

If Pimpin’ is Wrong.

By Parla’Mack, featuring Belita Woods »:

 

The Psychology of Salsera Persuasion.

The following references are from:

by Robert B. Cialdini ».

I’ve often mused that to be a good salsa gigolo is to be a good salesman. At least when it comes to rejection. How to avoid rejection, how to overcome rejection, and yes, how to deal with rejection. With time, a salsa gigolo will eventually develop a product/ service that salseras actually want, i.e. salsa skill. But it never hurts to also hone one’s sales skills, along with one’s salsa skills.

Chapter 2: Reciprocation: The Old Give and Take … and Take, Pgs. 36-37, 41:
… “The general rule says that a person who acts in a certain way toward us is entitled to a similar return action. We have already seen that one consequence of the rule is an obligation to repay favors we have received. Another consequence of the rule, however, is an obligation to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us.” …

… “I witnessed another form of the rejection-then-retreat technique in my investigations of door-to-door sales operations. These organizations used a less engineered, more opportunistic version of the tactic. Of course, the most important goal for a door-to-door salesperson is to make the sale. However, the training programs of each of the companies I investigated emphasized that a second important goal was to obtain from prospects the names of referrals — friends, relatives, or neighbors on whom we could call. For a variety of reasons we will discuss in Chapter 5, the percentage of successful door-to-door sales increases impressively when the sales operator is able to mention the name of a familiar person who “recommended” the sales visit.” …

Chapter 2: Reciprocation: The Old Give and Take ... and Take, Pgs. 36-37, 41

In a previous post », I mentioned a technique I use when asking a novice salsera to dance, when she is with a group of her girlfriends. I never quite understood why this technique worked, only that it did work. Now I understand. The technique is illustrated as follows:

Approach the group and ask the closest novice salsera to dance. More often than not, she will say no. Immediately move to stand/ sit/ crouch beside her, so that you are facing in the same direction, and ask her in a conspiratorial way, who you should then ask to dance. She will then refer you to another friend in the group, either by pointing, or by calling her friend’s name in a loud voice, and because all the other girlfriends are watching and relieved that they were not chosen, they will merrily egg this chosen novice onto the dancefloor.

The reason this technique works, is because when you ask “who you should then ask”, you are making a concession. Instead of asking for a dance, you are now only asking for a referral. The novice salsera will feel compelled to repay your concession, by referring you to one of her girlfriends. Once you have pleasantly surprised the girlfriend with your salsa skill, she will tell all her girlfriends how she was pleasantly surprised, and your subsequent returns to this group will be more welcome. And that first novice salsera will likely say yes, when you ask her again.

I wonder what other kinds of concession a salsa gigolo could ask for, if a salsera says no to a dance. “Can I have a sip of your drink?” “Can I have a hug?” “Can I get my back scratched?” Something to try.

“The Windmills of Your Mind”, version by All Angels ».
Version performed by Alison Moyet ».

 

Otro Amor Vendrá.

By Lara Fabian »:

Live balada version:

Bachata version:

 

Lantana.

Lantana (2001) – 75/100 – Good Australian drama with a few realistic salsa scenes.

Some of my favourite actors in this movie:
Kerry Armstrong – sexy, very forbidden » married salsera.

Barbara Hershey – not a salsera in this film, but oh so sultry.

Anthony LaPaglia – in the salsa scenes, he experiences Beginner’s Hell and watches salsa gigolos dance seductively with his wife .

Rachael Blake – salsera on the prowl.

Trailer:

Cinematography – 8/10
Story – 8/10
Pacing – 8/10
Action and Dialogue – 8/10
Impact – 8/10
Characters – 8/10
Originality – 8/10

Music – 8/10
Salsa/ Dance – 6/10
Makes you want to be a salsa gigolo – 5/10

Total – 75/100

 

Después De Tí … Qué?

Balada version by Cristian Castro » y Raúl di Blasio »:

Salsa version by Nino Segarra »:

Original balada version by José Feliciano »:

Live version by José Feliciano:

 

Salsa Love Lab.

The following references are from:

by Malcolm Gladwell ».

This book explores interesting examples where good and bad decisions can be made in a “blink” (of an eye), and how our subconscious mind influences these decisions. For me, the main insight of this book is in introducing me to the research on marriages and relationships done by John Gottman ».

Chapter One, Pages 22-23:
… “Recently, a professor who works with Gottman named Sybil Carrière, who was playing around with some of the videotapes, trying to design a new study, discovered that if they looked at only three minutes of a couple talking, they could still predict with fairly impressive accuracy who was going to get divorced and who was going to make it.” …
… “Thin-slicing is part of what makes the unconscious so dazzling. But it’s also what we find most problematic about rapid cognition. How is it possible to gather the necessary information for a sophisticated judgement in such a short time? The answer is that when our unconscious engages in thin-slicing, what we are doing is an automated, accelerated unconscious version of what Gottman does with his videotapes and equations. Can a marriage really be understood in one sitting? Yes it can, and so can lots of other seemingly complex situations.” …

Chapter One, Pages 22-23

Analogies are sometimes drawn between salsa dancing and relationships. What makes for a good salsa connection? What makes for a good relationship? I know that I’ve been pulled by the strong desire to dance with an unknown salsera, based on just a feeling that I would have a good connection with her. Also based on just a feeling, I have taken a more cautious wait-and-see approach with other salseras.

Even with complete beginners, who I’ve never seen dance before, just by looking at the way they sit or stand or watch or whatever, I’ll get a feeling of ‘yes’ or ‘wait-and-see’. I’ll make this assessment in a blink. Then, within a few basics, I get a sense of whether I would want to dance with this salsera again. It takes 2 dances, at most, to confirm my initial impression. Similarly, a salsera can probably tell by watching a salsa gigolo dance a few basics with another salsera, whether she would want to dance with him.

Chapter One, Pages 32:
… “Gottman is far more selective. He has found that he can find out much of what he needs to know just by focusing on what he calls the Four Horsemen: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Even within the Four Horsemen, in fact, there is one emotion that he considers the most important of all: contempt. If Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the single most important sign that the marriage is in trouble.” …

Chapter One, Pages 32

In his ‘love lab’, Gottman studies how couples communicate with one another. Communication also happens within dance and through dance. A Gottman-like study done on salsa gigolos and salseras, while they’re dancing, might reveal similar insight as studies done in his love lab. The salsa love lab.

For an easy example of defensiveness » in salsa, watch how a salsa gigolo reacts when a salsera says ‘no’. Sometimes the salsa gigolo will show no visible emotion, but sometimes the salsa gigolo will lash back with some kind of verbal retort. For a subtler example of defensiveness in salsa, one might consider why a salsa gigolo doesn’t ask a salsera to dance.

I’m not exactly sure what to make of stonewalling » in salsa. Maybe this would be analogous to ignoring or not acknowledging your partner in some way. Not listening to your partner, when they are trying to communicate that they are not feeling good, or safe, or comfortable.

Criticism »would be analogous to ‘teaching’ on the dancefloor. One of Gottman’s rules is that healthy relationships exhibit 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction ». From observation, people in general aren’t very skilled at giving or receiving criticism, on or off the dancefloor, especially if it’s not asked for. So even if one is an expert at giving constructive criticism, chances are that the receiver won’t be an expert at receiving criticism. There’s a more-than-likely chance that the receiver will experience the interaction in a negative way.

I know that I sometimes see the flitting expression of contempt » cross a salsa gigolo’s face, when a salsera can’t seem to follow what he is trying to lead. Or is that a sneer »of superiority? I once saw a salsa gigolo muscle a salsera through a turn pattern in a way that looked mean, contemptuous, and ugly. Contempt is easily the opposite of love.

At 1:55, this clip mentions a jiggleometer, but I couldn’t help but think of gigolometer.