Out to Sea.

Out to Sea (1997) – 90/100 – Refreshing comedy about 2 grumpy old cruise ship gigolos/ dance hosts.

Some of my favourite actors in this movie:
Jack Lemmon – cruise ship gigolo!

Walter Matthau – cruise ship gigolo!

Hal Linden – model cruise ship dance host.

Donald O’Connor – model cruise ship dance host.

Trailer:

Cinematography – 8/10
Story – 9/10
Pacing – 9/10
Action and Dialogue – 9/10
Impact – 8/10
Characters – 10/10
Originality – 10/10

Music – 9/10
Salsa/ Dance – 9/10
Makes you want to be a salsa gigolo – 9/10

Total – 90/100

 

Evil Ways.

By Cal Tjader » and Carmen McRae »:

 

Decoding Salsa Love.

The following references are from:

by Andrew Trees ».

This book was an easy read, and follows a “Blink”-like » formula for presenting other people’s research, including John Gottman’s », except there wasn’t a central thesis to this book, or if there was, I missed it.

Chapter 1: The Dating Animal, Pages 56:
“… studies have revealed that even in the wild there is a great deal more cheating going on than anyone had imagined. Very few mammals are monogamous …”

Chapter 1: The Dating Animal, Pages 56

Being a salsa gigolo, I am realizing that I am very much a mammal. Salseras, too, are very much mammals. The closest thing to salsamonogamy is dancing 2 songs in a row with the same partner. But then there was that 1 salsera, with whom I could have danced all my dances. A bittersweet salsera memory.

Chapter 2: The Dating Animal, Part II, Page 92:
“… the irony is that monogamy tends to benefit most men and hurt most women. One economist has even called anti-polygamy laws a kind of male cartel undermining women’s bargaining ability. On the other hand, polygamy benefits most women and hurts most men … Women might initially scoff at this idea, but if you presented them with a choice of between being Brad Pitt’s second wife or Homer Simpson’s first wife, I think we know which one most of them would choose.” …

Chapter 2: The Dating Animal, Part II, Page 92

I’ve never before looked at salsapolygamy this way. Would an Angelina Jolie salsera be happy being salsamonogamous to a Brad Pitt salsa gigolo? Probably. Would a Marge Simpson salsera be happy being the 2nd or 3rd or nth salsawife of a Brad Pitt salsa gigolo? Maybe 2nd or 3rd, but probably not nth, because once you get to nth, the number of dances would approach zero, but then again, she might be more than happy being the 2nd or 3rd salsawife of a Keanu Reeves salsa gigolo. She might be happier still being free and single, and dancing the night away with one Homer Simpson salsa gigolo after another.

Inside the heart of every Homer Simpson salsa gigolo, beats the clave of desire to become a Brad Pitt salsa gigolo, to be able to call all the salseras to the dance. Inside the heart of every Marge Simpson salsera, flows the montuno of salsamonogamy to become an Angelina Jolie salsera, to be able to tie-down a Brad Pitt salsa gigolo she can call all her own.

Chapter 3: The Dating Culture, Page 105:
… “I’m not advocating a return to arranged marriages. I’m still a fan, albeit a critical one, of romantic love. But I do think that arranged marriages have a valuable lesson to teach all of us consumers … In looking for love, the time has come for us to learn to be satisficers, not maximizers. That does not necessarily mean settling, but it does mean giving up on the idea of “the one.” When you find someone you think will make you happy, you stop looking, even though there might be someone better out there. Don’t feel that you have to sample every flavor, to chase every opportunity …”

Chapter 3: The Dating Culture, Page 105

Imagine if salsa were like an arranged marriage: you show up to a beginner salsa class, and you’re paired-up with someone who would be your dance partner for the rest of your salsa life. I suspect that not everyone would turn out to be winners in this salsa lottery. Some of our partners would go on to become Brad Pitt salsa gigolos and Angelina Jolie salseras. Some of our partners would quit dancing. Some of us would give in to our mammalian ways.

Come to think of it, it wouldn’t hurt for a marriage to be like salsa. Always trying to learn something new to keep your partner interested. Always trying to improve your connection. Taking lots and lots of lessons early on. Dancing with your heart and soul.

Chapter 4: The Dating Game, Page 159:
“… it all boiled down to one simple rule: try a dozen (Cresswell dubbed this the twelve-bonk rule, bonk being a British word for . . . well, I’m sure we all know what bonk means). Todd and Miller found that this number provided excellent results no matter how large the sample size …”

Chapter 4: The Dating Game, Page 159

To find a salsa partner who is among the top x% of available partners for you, the inferred advice is to dance with 12 people, and then choose the next person who comes along, who is better than those first 12. Well, I’m sure we’re ALL past 12 already, so the new RULE is to choose the next person who comes along who blows you away. Dance with this person for the rest of your life.

Chapter 5: The Dating Dance, Page 170-171:
“… A menstruating lap dancer made on average thirty-five dollars an hour, and a woman who was neither ovulating nor menstruating averaged fifty dollars. During their fertile periods, though, lap dancers were like Bathsheba on ecstasy, averaging a whopping seventy dollars an hour … lap dancers on the pill averaged only thirty-seven dollars an hour (hardly different from menstruating women), while women not on the pill averaged fifty-three dollars …”

Chapter 5: The Dating Dance, Page 170-171

Salseras, here’s a secret weapon for you: to get the best response from a salsa gigolo, make sure you’re ovulating. Better yet, give him a lap dance.

 

Aquel Lugar.

By Adolescent’s Orquesta »:

 

A.

A

it took days
to learn your name
and now
I can’t forget you

what I want
strangely
is for you
to love me

and to see you
dance again
in the arms
of other men

 

Blast from the Past.

Blast from the Past (1999) – 95/100 – Feel-good movie with one of my favourite dance scenes of all time.

Some of my favourite actors in this movie:

Alicia Silverstone – One of my favourite actresses of all time, but I’m not sure if I could give up the swing sisters for her … hypothetically speaking.

Brendan Fraser – well-raised, swing gigolo!

One of my favourite dance scenes of all time — This scene made me yearn to learn how to dance:

Cinematography – 9/10
Story – 10/10
Pacing – 10/10
Action and Dialogue – 10/10
Impact – 9/10
Characters – 10/10
Originality – 10/10

Music – 9/10
Salsa/ Dance – 9/10
Makes you want to be a salsa gigolo – 9/10

Total – 95/100

 

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Parigüayos.

The following references are from:

by Junot Díaz ».

This book is about the brief coming of age of a Dominican-American boy.

Chapter 1, Pages 19-20:
“… During the First Occupation it was reported that members of the American Occupying Forces would often attend Dominican parties but instead of joining in the fun the Outlanders would simply stand at the edge of dances and watch. Which of course must have seemed like the craziest thing in the world. Who goes to a party to watch? Thereafter, the Marines were parigüayos » — a word that in contemporary usage describes anyone who stands outside and watches while other people scoop up the girls. The kid who don’t dance, who ain’t got game, who lets people clown him — he’s the parigüayo.” …

Chapter 1, Pages 19-20

This bit was taken from one of the footnotes. Normally, I hate footnotes in novels, but in this novel, the footnotes work. If you’re curious about Dominican history, but don’t want to pick up a history book, this is the book for you.

Chapter 1, Page 24:
… “Anywhere else his triple-zero batting average with the ladies might have passed without comment, but this is a Dominican kid we’re talking about, in a Dominican family: dude was supposed to have Atomic Level G, was supposed to be pulling in the bitches with both hands. Everybody noticed his lack of game and because they were Dominican everybody talked about it …”

Chapter 1, Page 24

This story is about Oscar, the parigüayo with the .000 batting average. This story is also about other normal messed-up kids growing up. But you get a sense that there’s a difference between messed-up and born-in-Trujillo-era-Dominican messed-up.

Chapter 5, Page 217:
… “Hiding your doe-eyed, large-breasted daughter from Trujillo, however, was anything but easy. (Like keeping the Ring from Sauron.) If you think the average Dominican guy’s bad, Trujillo was five thousand times worse. Dude had hundreds of spies whose entire job was to scour the provinces for his next piece of ass; if the procurement of ass had been any more central to the Trujillato the regime would have been the world’s first culocracy (and maybe, in fact, it was) …”

Chapter 5, Page 217

This is a history lesson I can sink my teeth into. I think of bachata, merengue and even reggaeton, and of some of the popular musicians behind the songs. Behind the dark sunglasses and behind the bling, I can’t help but feel the musicians’ humility. Maybe it’s a type of humility that’s passed down in cultures that have lived through dictatorships.

Chapter 6, Page 276:
“… after he’d gone to about fifty clubs and because he couldn’t dance salsa, merengue, or bachata had sat and drunk Presidentes while Lola and his cousins burned holes in the floor …”

Chapter 6, Page 276

I used to muse that the meaning of life is to make babies, but I have since improved on this. Now, I think the meaning of life is to make babies, who can raise their babies well. Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be parigüayos.
“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys”, by Waylon Jennings » and Willie Nelson ».

 

Tropical Nights.

I don’t know where this clip is from, but here it is starring Cheryl Ladd » and Ben Vereen »:
From 1:54:
“Hi there Sweet Lady,
Won’t you take a chance?
You’ll see why they call me,
The Doctor of Dance.

I’m good for what ails you,
When you’re feeling low.
Just groove with the Doctor,
And let yourself go!”

 

The Reluctant Gigolo – A Work of Friction.

The following references are from:

by John Allan Fraser ».

This book is about a dance gigolo’s adventures on an around-the-world cruise ship. It goes without saying, this book had me at hello.

Chapter 1, Page 4:
… “Her pubic bone ground into his unresponsive thigh as the quartet, firmly anchored in the tiny band stand, went through the motions of Blue Spanish Eyes.

Necessity, not intimacy, forced a physical closeness. Survival was the issue. Why she or any of these ladies wanted to dance on a night like this was a mystery to him, but they were paying passengers and if they wanted to dance it was his job to oblige them.” …

Chapter 1, Page 4

Pubis-to-thigh contact is a recurring theme in this book, which bothers me not one bit. Being of service to the ladies, is another recurring theme. I think I should look into taking some ballroom lessons some day, to ensure a long and happy career.

Chapter 5, Page 26:
… “They were alone on the dance floor of the lounge. Donna remained pressed against him in dance position as the music ended. Looking up into his face Jack felt a familiar rush to his loins. He returned her stare relishing the moment. What a perfect time to move this relationship to a new level. Perhaps he should plant a kiss on those moist pink lips.” …

Chapter 5, Page 26

Dance position. The author has obviously taken some dance lessons, or at least has been tutored well. No, I’m thinking the author is writing from experience. Would a guy write so sympathetically about being a dance gigolo, if he doesn’t dance? This author gets it, at least from a dance gigolo’s point of view.

Chapter 10, Page 54:
… “A series of lively hot salsa numbers ended the melting Frozen Ball leaving the remaining celebrants and the dance hosts exhausted and sweating.” …

Chapter 10, Page 54

This is the only mention of salsa in this book, so if all you want is salsa, there it is. Nevertheless, I would heartily recommend this book to any salsa gigolo. It is an easy and entertaining read, and it’s lascivious enough to appeal to the dance gigolo inside every salsa gigolo. For salseras? Hmmm, maybe less so, unless you want to get an idea of how a dance gigolo’s mind works.

 

Tony Mambotana – The Latin Salsation.

I just learned of this Montreal comedian, Daniel Tirado ». One of the characters he created is Tony Mambotana – The Latin Salsation. In this clip, “The Latin Salsation picks a random girl from the crowd and teaches the audience how to be sleazy on the dancefloor.”:

If you’re interested in taking one of his drop-in classes, good news, Tony’s coming to Toronto! He’ll be here the second week of December at Absolute Comedy », just north of Yonge & Eglinton.