5 Stages of Being Addicted to Salsa.

12 Sep

Ok, I recently received some blog love from Sharon in her Toronto Dance Salsa Blog », and as I was reading her post, “YouTube and Salsa” », it got me thinking about the various stages of my own salsa addiction.

Oddly, it also got me thinking about The five stages of being drunk »:
1. Smart
2. Good Looking
3. Rich
4. Bullet Proof
5. Invisible

Because I am Smart, I am now pleased to present …

5 Stages of Being Addicted to Salsa:
1. Smart – This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known salsa universe. You know everything about salsa and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always Right. And of course the person you are talking to is very Wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are Smart.

2. Good Looking – This is when you realise that you are the Best Looking salsa gigolo in the entire salsa club and that salseras fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing she fancies you and really wants to dance with you. Bear in mind that you are still Smart, so you can talk to this salsera about any salsa subject under the sun.

3. Rich – This is when you suddenly become the richest salsa gigolo in the world. You can give free salsa lessons to all the beginner salseras in the salsa club because you have so many clients that you have quit your day job. You have become a full-time salsa gigolo, who needs the protection of an armoured truck when leaving a salsa club, because all the salseras want you. You can also make bets at this stage about how many dances it will take to seduce a salsera, because of course, you are still Smart and Good Looking, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn’t matter how much you bet ‘cos you are Rich. You will also give free private salsa lessons to every salsera who you fancy, because now you are the Best Looking salsa gigolo in the world.

4. Bullet Proof – You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the dance partners of the salseras who you fancy and challenge them to a shine-off for money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are Smart, you are Rich and hell, you’re Better Looking than they are anyway!

5. Invisible – This is the final stage of salsa addiction. At this point you can do anything because everyone is blinded by your salsa brilliance. You dance on a table to impress the salseras who you fancy, but they can’t see you because they are also blinded by your salsa brilliance. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can dance on the street singing at the top of your lungs because everyone is incapacitated by your salsa brilliance and because you’re still Smart you know all the words to all the salsa songs.

Right now, I’m firmly entrenched in Stage 2.

We’re probably all familiar with the classic “Phases of Salsa Addiction…” graph by Edie, The Salsa Freak »:

Salsa-Holics Anonymous:  Phases of Salsa Addiction…

Well, Edie’s Wrong, and I’m Right.

If you’re having trouble with the fact that I’m Right, I would refer you to Kübler-Ross model » showing the 5 Stages of Receiving Catastrophic News/ 5 Stages of Grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Or this updated » version:
1. Disbelief
2. Yearning
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

If, for whatever reason, you wish to break your addiction to salsa, I refer you to Dr. Phil’s “Seven Steps to Breaking Your Salsa Addiction” »:
1. Acknowledge the purpose.
2. Think rational thoughts instead of denial.
3. Use alternative coping skills.
4. Identify your danger zones.
5. Make lifestyle changes.
6. Be accountable and have a support system.
7. Reward yourself.

I’m finding myself becoming addicted to this version of “Piel Canela” by Natalia Lafourcade y La Forquetina »:

Live version:

Another live version:

Yet another live version:

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7 Responses to “5 Stages of Being Addicted to Salsa.”

  1. Maria September 14, 2007 at 1:46 am #

    This is your most awesome post ever– the five stages of salsa addiction made me laugh out loud. I don’t understand the Invisible stage yet, but perhaps it is like the 8th chakra; you don’t understand it until you achieve full consciousness of it.

  2. salsagigolo September 14, 2007 at 2:48 am #

    Well, thanks. I remember in grade school, I used to write all my reports this way. Read a paragraph, write a paragraph. Change a word here and there, and call it mine :).

  3. fluvial September 14, 2007 at 8:18 pm #

    This is completely fantastic. After dancing tango for a little over 3 years, I’ve taken up salsa. I’m not quite in the ‘smart’ stage yet but it’s coming…I promise. Thanks for posting!

  4. fluokeknole November 2, 2008 at 5:10 am #

    Very interesting blog. Do you have any suggestions about my complex ribbon I have a nice joke for you) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? “Dam.”

  5. salsagigolo November 3, 2008 at 11:48 am #

    Thanks, nice joke :).

    What do you mean by ‘complex ribbon’?

  6. baroches November 3, 2008 at 11:59 pm #

    the article that i’ve ever,, ever read is to open my mind… about the addiction….

    nyc!!!! hahaha….

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Salsa Babies (2). « Salsa Gigolo in TO - March 14, 2009

    […] You can tell these kids have a lot of potential. If I had started when I was their age, I would be invisible » by […]

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