What Salseras Want.

26 Nov

A salsa gigolo trying to read the mind of a salsera, is a man trying to read the mind of a woman. Nevertheless, this is what I think salseras want:

Safe and On Beat
If the dance floor is crowded, do I make her feel like her toes will be safe? If she is a beginner, do I make her feel like her ego will be safe … that all mistakes are “entirely my fault”? If a salsera knows that she can count on me for being safe, and on beat, she will likely not refuse, outright, future dance requests from me. Heck, even if I get off beat, so long as I acknowledge that I know that I’m off beat, she’ll dance with me again.

Smooth Moves
Will I use a salsera to practice my just-learned moves and turn patterns, or will I put her interests first, and make sure she feels comfortable? I used to feel self-conscious, leading the same moves over and over again, however, I noticed that most salseras don’t really notice, or don’t really care, so long as I am safe and on beat. There is novelty in learning new moves, but I now have my favourite 3 or 4 moves, which I lead smoothly, and repeatedly.

Single and Sexy
Do I make a salsera feel like she is single and sexy, even if she is married? Do I make a salsera feel so desireable that she could easily have me if she wanted to? There is so much opportunity to play-out dancefloor fantasies, in salsa, and it is so much more fun to dance with the feeling that “this could lead to something more”, than to dance with the feeling that “this will lead nowhere”. I choose not to have “nowhere” dances. Instead, I ask salseras to dance, when I want to fantasize about “something more”.

Silence and Small Talk
Will my dancing speak for itself, and will a salsera know what I am trying to say with my dance? Am I careful not to catch myself “teaching” a salsera on the social dancefloor? When we are not dancing, will we have anything to talk about besides salsa? Dancing starts with the music, and the feelings that the music evokes. Some music feels round and circular. Some music feels fluid and jazzy. Some music feels linear and percussive. A dance should say, “I hear the music is this way, and so I want to dance it this way”. It is sweet, when a salsera shares with me how she hears the music, by the way she dances. I never try to “teach” a salsera on the social dancefloor – this is just déclassé. Between dances, small talk is nice, to tell each other that we don’t take ourselves too seriously.

How does any salsera feel, the moment she is dancing with me? If she wants more than just a dance, do I make her feel like she is the only salsera in the room for me? When dancing with a salsera, I try to consider all her needs, and what I can do for this salsera, at this moment. I am playing with the idea that guys make love like how they dance salsa. I am a considerate salsa gigolo, who enjoys giving on the dancefloor.

Social Life
Do I make a salsera feel like she belongs in the salsa community? Am I a good ambassador of the local salsa scene? While I enjoy bogarting the salsera, when it is time to pass the salsera on, I also enjoy introducing her to my fellow salsa gigolos. If I am not going to hit-on a particular salsera, I will let my fellow salsa gigolos know, so they can have their fair shot at hitting-on her, and to give the salsera her fair shot at being hit-on. I will bogart the salsera, but I will not cock block » my fellow salsa gigolos.

When dancing with a salsera, do I customize the dance just for her, for that moment? Do I take note of her skill, her physical condition, her rate of breathing. When we dance, we speak of muscle memory. Our muscles remember. Our minds also remember. We remember our past dances, and how we felt about our past dances. However, I never try to re-create past dances, even if it is with the same salsera, to the same song, in the same club. Instead, I will take a moment to clear my mind, and then start fresh – to try to make the dance feel like it is one-of-a-kind, and to make the salsera feel like she is one-of-a-kind.


One Response to “What Salseras Want.”


  1. What Salseras Don’t Want. « Salsa Gigolo in TO - February 7, 2010

    […] Posted by salsagigolo under psychology, salsa [2] Comments  In contrast to What Salseras Want », I thought it might be interesting to hear from a salsera’s » mouth, what salseras […]

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