Canadian Salsa Gigolos For Donald Trump.

1 Mar

As a Canadian salsa gigolo, I don’t usually follow US politics, but the GOP primaries » are on fiyah. After watching the GOP debates on YouTube, and now that Super Tuesday’s almost over, I’m going to predict that Donald Trump will carry the day. On behalf of all Canadian salsa gigolos, for whom I don’t speak, I hereby unofficially endorse Donald Trump for GOP nominee 2016. This is based on the single criterion of …

Who would you most want to see in a salsa club?

Donald TrumpDonald Trump – Yeah, he really wants to build that wall and have Mexico pay for it, and it just got 10 feet higher, and he had that spat with Telemundo, but all he needs to do is bring a few Miss Universe contestants to your local salsa social, and he’d carry the salsa gigolo vote easy. Heck, he could just show up with family. Oh, and did you see what he did when Ben Carson fumbled that entry a couple debates ago? Donald Trump waited with Ben Carson. Such a subtle, classy move.

Ben CarsonBen Carson – Always good to have a neurosurgeon in the house. Also, the next best thing to having a good dance is watching a good dance, and if Ben Carson dances like he speaks, he’s gonna’ be one smooth dancer. Probably wouldn’t step on your feet, either. And if you happened to step on his feet, he probably wouldn’t get too bent out of shape about it. Heck, I bet he wants people to step on his feet, just so he can have a chance to speak.

Marco RubioMarco Rubio – Maybe he has salsa in his blood, maybe not. But that one debate, where he was skewered by Christie for repeating himself, makes me think that Marco Rubio would be a turn-pattern … umm … enthusiast. Nothing wrong with that. Just needs a few more years to find his own style, and to get smooth – No one can do Donald like Donald. Also nothing wrong with sweating. That’s what salsa towels are for. Or maybe need less salsa in blood.

Ted CruzTed Cruz – Something about Ted Cruz reminds me of Humphrey Bogart, and if he quacks like a duck, he’ll most likely Bogart the cutest salsera in the club for multiple dances, if not for the whole night. At least he’s married. Can’t see him making friends with fellow salsa gigolos, though. I’d vote Ted Cruz as most likely to do the pachanga during a social salsa dance, with two tone shoes.

John KasichJohn Kasich – He seems like a nice enough guy. But he’s from Ohio. Sorry, I take that back. I just Googled, and it looks like there’s some good salsa in Ohio. Don’t drink the tap water though, if there’s any fracking happening nearby. Really though, John Kasich may be too nice for salsa. Then again, someone has to dance with the trophic level 1.0 salseras. Donald knows what I mean.

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