Are All Salsa Gigolos Assholes?

1 Jul

The following references are from:
Are All Guys Assholes?
by Amber Madison ».

A relationship self-help book for women.

‘A Fake Reputation Is All a Man Has’: Unlearning ‘Guys’, Pages 25-26:
“…
As Dr. Michael Kimmel concludes in his book
Guyland: “Maculinity is a homosocial experience, performed for, and judged by, other men.” And this is where it all comes full circle. You have a bunch of guys running around feeling like they’re supposed to act like indiscriminate horndogs. They put up this front because if they don’t, they’re afraid they’ll be ridiculed. And the outcome then is that guys actually believe this is how men truly are, because it’s how they’ve seen their peers act their entire lives. Many become convinced that other guys are acting out their authentic feelings when they act like freewheeling sex fiends. So even if a guy knows that he himself does not represent the stereotypical image of a “guy,” he remains thoroughly convinced that the other guys around him do. …”

'A Fake Reputation Is All a Man Has': Unlearning 'Guys', Pages 25-26

When talking with fellow salsa gigolos, we don’t talk about our feelings. Instead, we joke about each other’s displays of horndog-ness, a friendly competition of who’s the greater horndog.

Does He Want Me or ‘The Chase’?: Meeting Guys, Page 51:
“…
Being unwilling to approach a guy means that you never get to choose for yourself — you only get a chance with the guys who were bold enough to approach you. And really, what’s the worst that could happen? He acts uninterested. Or you ask him out and he says no. And then so what? Your heart explodes out of your eyeballs? The world blows up? Life as we know it gets eradicated? No. You shrug him off, have a greater appreciation for how guys feel when you’ve rejected them, and move on to someone else. Being turned down (especially if it’s by a stranger) just isn’t that horrific. Guys’ advances get blown off all the time, and they still live to tell about it. I think that we’re strong enough to endure the same “suffering.”

A guy once told me, “Meeting girls is 80% effort. It’s not about being amazing-looking, or the coolest and most interesting guy in the bar, it’s about putting yourself out there, realizing you’re going to get rejected a lot, but continuing to go for it anyway.” This approach works for us too. In my experience, it’s the girls who aren’t afraid to go for it who end of getting the most (and best) guys. …”

Does He Want Me or 'The Chase'?: Meeting Guys, Page 51

And I’m sorry, but sometimes we joke about who we want to dance with, and who we don’t want to dance with. I find it particularly funny when a fellow salsa gigolo’s trying to not make it obvious that he’s dating a salsera … by not asking her to dance. Generally, I don’t like to dance with other salsa gigolos’ wives or girlfriends. Let them do their own work.

In terms of asshole-like behaviour, I’m probably most guilty of not asking salseras to dance. And it’s not just about not asking, but it’s also about avoiding being asked. Averting eye contact is good. Standing near an exit or washroom is good. If a salsera sneaks-up and manages to start a conversation, but doesn’t ask for a dance, then no dance.

Kissing Assholes Good-bye: How to Identify One, Break Free, or Get One to Change His Tune, Page 221:
“…
Because so many guys are convinced that being “too nice” will make you lose interest, it’s important to be able to distinguish an impostor asshole from a real one. An impostor asshole is a guy who plays it cool and acts like he’s not blown away by you even when he is. He doesn’t return your calls right away (though returns them eventually), sends you some short text messages, give you “two compliments and one ‘neg'” (a playful insult), and acts only mildly interested. Basically, if you’ve just started dating a guy who’s actively trying to see you but acting a bit aloof, that’s an impostor asshole.

A real asshole is a guy who doesn’t want to do anything with you that doesn’t take place in his bed or on his couch, even though you want something more. He’s a guy who only calls you when he’s drunk. He’s the guy you’re really into, have been seeing for months, but won’t let the relationship progress or won’t fully commit. …”

Kissing Assholes Good-bye: How to Identify One, Break Free, or Get One to Change His Tune, Page 221

The truth is, I may want to dance with a particular salsera only once on any given day. And sometimes only once, ever. Salsa friends? Fuhgeddaboutit. Grindchata friends? I might consider it.

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