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Fifty Shades Of Salsa Gigolo.

20 Jan

The following references are from:
Fifty Shades of Grey
by E.L. James ».

This book is about a Dominant, who initiates his submissive.

Chapter Four, Pages 63-64
“… He Takes my hand once more. Holy cow — he’s leading me onto the dance floor. Shit. I do not dance. He can sense my reluctance, and under the colored lights I see his amused, sardonic smile. He gives my hand a sharp tug, and I’m in his arms, and he starts to move, taking me with him. Boy, he can dance, and I can’t believe that I’m following him step for step. Maybe it’s because I’m drunk that I can keep up. He’s holding me tight against him, his body against mine . . . if he wasn’t clutching me so tightly, I’m sure I would swoon at his feet. In the back of my mind, my mother’s often-recited warning comes to me: Never trust a man who can dance. …”

Chapter Four, Pages 63-64

Oh, that reluctance. I love that reluctance. It’s always intriguing to see what is possible with a salsera ingenue in our first dance. Will one dance be enough, or will I want more? Will she want more?

Chapter Seven, Page 101
“… “So you’ll get your kicks by exerting your will over me.”

“It’s about gaining your trust and your respect, so you’ll let me exert my will over you. I will gain a great deal of pleasure, joy even, in your submission. The more you submit, the greater my joy — it’s a very simple equation.”

“Okay, and what do I get out of this?”

He shrugs and looks almost apologetic.

“Me,” he says simply. …”

Chapter Seven, Page 101

I crave that feeling of taking a salsera ingenue up to her limits, and then some. I am willing to take risks, to see what kind of dance is possible for us. I am willing to make mistakes, and ask for forgiveness later.

Chapter Sixteen, Pages 287-288
“… “It’s the way I’m made, Anastasia. I need to control you. I need you to behave in a certain way, and if you don’t — I love to watch your beautiful alabaster skin pink and warm up under my hands. It turns me on.”

Holy shit. Now we’re getting somewhere.

“So it’s not the pain you’re putting me through?”

He swallows.

“A bit, to see if you can take it, but that’s not the whole reason. It’s the fact that you are mine to do with as I see fit — ultimate control over someone else. And it turns me on. Big time, Anastasia. Look, I’m not explaining myself very well . . . I’ve never had to before. I’ve not really thought about this in any great depth. I’ve always been with like-minded people.” He shrugs apologetically. “And you still haven’t answered my question — how did you feel afterward?”


“You were sexually aroused by it, Anastasia.” …”

Chapter Sixteen, Pages 287-288

When I sense a salsera ingenue’s complete submission, her desire for me to take charge, I don’t say a word and just take. No politically-correct salsa for me. I like my salsa raw. The dance is for me, and she is there for my pleasure. Salsa Gigolo First.
Salsa Gigolometer 100


Are All Salsa Gigolos Assholes?

1 Jul

The following references are from:
Are All Guys Assholes?
by Amber Madison ».

A relationship self-help book for women.

‘A Fake Reputation Is All a Man Has’: Unlearning ‘Guys’, Pages 25-26:
As Dr. Michael Kimmel concludes in his book
Guyland: “Maculinity is a homosocial experience, performed for, and judged by, other men.” And this is where it all comes full circle. You have a bunch of guys running around feeling like they’re supposed to act like indiscriminate horndogs. They put up this front because if they don’t, they’re afraid they’ll be ridiculed. And the outcome then is that guys actually believe this is how men truly are, because it’s how they’ve seen their peers act their entire lives. Many become convinced that other guys are acting out their authentic feelings when they act like freewheeling sex fiends. So even if a guy knows that he himself does not represent the stereotypical image of a “guy,” he remains thoroughly convinced that the other guys around him do. …”

'A Fake Reputation Is All a Man Has': Unlearning 'Guys', Pages 25-26

When talking with fellow salsa gigolos, we don’t talk about our feelings. Instead, we joke about each other’s displays of horndog-ness, a friendly competition of who’s the greater horndog.

Does He Want Me or ‘The Chase’?: Meeting Guys, Page 51:
Being unwilling to approach a guy means that you never get to choose for yourself — you only get a chance with the guys who were bold enough to approach you. And really, what’s the worst that could happen? He acts uninterested. Or you ask him out and he says no. And then so what? Your heart explodes out of your eyeballs? The world blows up? Life as we know it gets eradicated? No. You shrug him off, have a greater appreciation for how guys feel when you’ve rejected them, and move on to someone else. Being turned down (especially if it’s by a stranger) just isn’t that horrific. Guys’ advances get blown off all the time, and they still live to tell about it. I think that we’re strong enough to endure the same “suffering.”

A guy once told me, “Meeting girls is 80% effort. It’s not about being amazing-looking, or the coolest and most interesting guy in the bar, it’s about putting yourself out there, realizing you’re going to get rejected a lot, but continuing to go for it anyway.” This approach works for us too. In my experience, it’s the girls who aren’t afraid to go for it who end of getting the most (and best) guys. …”

Does He Want Me or 'The Chase'?: Meeting Guys, Page 51

And I’m sorry, but sometimes we joke about who we want to dance with, and who we don’t want to dance with. I find it particularly funny when a fellow salsa gigolo’s trying to not make it obvious that he’s dating a salsera … by not asking her to dance. Generally, I don’t like to dance with other salsa gigolos’ wives or girlfriends. Let them do their own work.

In terms of asshole-like behaviour, I’m probably most guilty of not asking salseras to dance. And it’s not just about not asking, but it’s also about avoiding being asked. Averting eye contact is good. Standing near an exit or washroom is good. If a salsera sneaks-up and manages to start a conversation, but doesn’t ask for a dance, then no dance.

Kissing Assholes Good-bye: How to Identify One, Break Free, or Get One to Change His Tune, Page 221:
Because so many guys are convinced that being “too nice” will make you lose interest, it’s important to be able to distinguish an impostor asshole from a real one. An impostor asshole is a guy who plays it cool and acts like he’s not blown away by you even when he is. He doesn’t return your calls right away (though returns them eventually), sends you some short text messages, give you “two compliments and one ‘neg'” (a playful insult), and acts only mildly interested. Basically, if you’ve just started dating a guy who’s actively trying to see you but acting a bit aloof, that’s an impostor asshole.

A real asshole is a guy who doesn’t want to do anything with you that doesn’t take place in his bed or on his couch, even though you want something more. He’s a guy who only calls you when he’s drunk. He’s the guy you’re really into, have been seeing for months, but won’t let the relationship progress or won’t fully commit. …”

Kissing Assholes Good-bye: How to Identify One, Break Free, or Get One to Change His Tune, Page 221

The truth is, I may want to dance with a particular salsera only once on any given day. And sometimes only once, ever. Salsa friends? Fuhgeddaboutit. Grindchata friends? I might consider it.

Salsa Goggles (Salsa Goggolos).

21 Jan

After much research, I am pleased to present my findings on the Salsa Goggles effect:
Salsa Goggles
Unlike Beer Goggles », Salsa Goggles works on the person you are observing. The closer a salsera is to the dancefloor, the stronger the Salsa Goggles effect on the salsa gigolo. The more salsa lessons a salsa gigolo takes, the stronger the Salsa Goggles effect on the salsera.

The next phase of research will investigate the combined effect of Salsa Goggles and Beer Goggles. And in case you’re wondering, beer is now available in some Toronto grocery stores, but not yet on Toronto subways.

Grindchata Pants.

28 Jun

For the salsera seeking perfection in her bachata:

Grindchata Pants - frontGrindchata Pants - back
Technology – 1
Salsa Gigolo – 4

Partner Selection (5)/ Gale-Shapley Algorithm For Stable Salsa Matching.

10 Feb

What happens when you ask 4 salsa gigolos and 4 salseras to make a list of their preferred dance partners, and then try to pair them up to get the best possible matches?

Here’s a vid by S Sawhney » that describes the Gale-Shapley algorithm » for stable salsa matching for 4 salsa gigolos and 4 salseras:

Here’s the result when the salsa gigolos do the asking:
Gale Shapley Algorithm For Stable Salsa Matching 1

Here’s the result when the salseras do the asking:
Gale Shapley Algorithm For Stable Salsa Matching 2

What if each step in the algorithm is a song/ dance?
song/ dance 1:
Rhea and Charlie dance, Mary and Dennis dance, Kate and Mac dance, Jill sits.
song/ dance 2:
Rhea and Charlie dance, Mary and Dennis dance, Kate and Mac dance, Jill sits.
song/ dance 3:
Rhea and Frank dance, Mary and Dennis dance, Kate and Mac dance, Jill sits.
song/ dance 4:
Rhea and Frank dance, Mary and Charlie dance, Kate and Mac dance, Jill sits.
song/ dance 5:
Rhea and Frank dance, Mary and Charlie dance, Kate and Mac dance, Jill and Dennis dance.

What would novice salseras think about salsa?
“Ugh, I had to dance with Charlie twice, but then Frank took over, woo hoo!”
“Hmm, I had to dance with Dennis 3 times, then Charlie took over, no woo hoo.”
“I could do worse than Mac, but sure wish Dennis took over, no woo hoo.”
“My ass hurts, but then finally Dennis took over, no woo hoo.”

In the real salsa world, other factors come into play:
* distance between Frank and Kate
* distance between Mac and Kate
* walking speed of Frank and Mac
* rate of acceleration of Frank and Mac
* running speed of Frank and Mac
* Frank’s and Mac’s ability to throw an elbow
* walking speed of Kate
* rate of acceleration of Kate
* running-away speed of Kate
* distance between Kate and Dennis
* distance between Dennis and Mary, Jill or Rhea, whoever is closest
* willingness of Dennis to accept ‘no’ for an answer when Kate is fast approaching
* willingness of Jill to ask Charlie to dance
* distance between Charlie and Rhea, Mary or Kate, whoever is closest
* willingness of Charlie to say ‘yes’ when Jill finally catches him
* willingness of Charlie to say ‘yes’ when Rhea surprisingly also asks him
* willingness of Jill and Rhea to say ‘yes’ to a grindchata à trois with Charlie
* willingness of Jill to say ‘yes’ when Rhea surprisingly asks for her number
* willingness of Mary to accept multiple dances with Charlie
* willingness of Kate to accept multiple dances with Mac
* softness of chair cushions for Frank and Dennis
* willingness of Frank and Dennis to team-up to split Jill and Rhea
* willingness of Rhea to accept multiple dances with Frank
* willingness of Jill to accept multiple dances with Dennis
* …
Hmm, maybe there’s something to this algorithm, after all. Or perhaps this speaks to the need for something like a salsa cabaceo ».

A rising tide of salseras lifts all salsa gigolos’ boats:
Since whoever does the asking, gets the better result, so long as there’s no scheming », perhaps novice salseras should do all the asking, and salsa gigolos should be prevented from asking or refusing a novice salsera, until they have previously been asked to dance by her at least once.

Sure, this won’t help me, since I love asking trophic level 2.0 salseras » to dance, however my fellow salsa gigolos and I can sometimes be a little too eager with trophic level 2.0 salseras: rushing to be the first to ask them to dance, teaching them on the dancefloor, bogarting for multiple dances, asking for their number, preventing them from dancing with someone, who might actually be on their list of preferred dance partners.

So here’s a request, similar to Stop Salsa Violence », for my fellow salsa gigolos and me to ask ourselves whether the salseras we danced with last week, and didn’t grindchata with, are still dancing this week. If they’re not still dancing, we might reflect on whether we can be part of the solution … You know, by being less eager. We all want to see trophic level 2.0 salseras returning for more.

Salsa Gigolometer 80

Salsera’s Tongue.

29 Oct

The following references are from:

by Kyung-Ran Jo».

A book about forbidden food and lost love.

January, Chapter 1, Page 5:
“… In the Middle Ages, monks believed that this fruit contained the will of the Creator. The apple was said to taste of nature, of mystery, of the shapes of clouds and of the sound of wind rustling the leaves on trees, but the monks forbade its consumption. All because of the sweetness that filled your mouth when you took the first bite. They believed this sweetness was a temptation, one that would get in the way of concentrating on God’s words. And after the sweetness dissipated, a tart, acidic zing lingered on the tip of your tongue. The monks thought this was the taste of poison, of the devil himself. This sweet, sour, tart taste of an apple — it’s this taste Eve found irresistible. …”

January, Chapter 1, Page 5

Salsa is a salsa gigolo’s Garden of Eden, filled with forbidden fruit, forbidden salseras ». At least that’s how I used to view it. Lately, I’ve started looking at this the other way around, where a salsa gigolo can be the forbidden fruit, irresistible to salseras. Be the apple.

March, Chapter 11, Page 67:
“… The person you can eat with is also the person you can have sex with, and the person you can have sex with is the person you can eat with. That’s why dates always start with a meal. You get to experience the impulsive expectation and curiosity toward the other person this way first, not in bed. There are many instances when the opposite is true, too. When you eat together, your relationship deepens or takes a step back — it’s either one or the other. …”

March, Chapter 11, Page 67

The person I can eat with, is the person I can dance with, is the person I can have a relationship with. When a salsera asks you to eat with her, she is likely asking for something more. If you’re looking for a relationship, go ahead and eat with her. But to be the apple, is to say ‘no’.

May, Chapter 21, Page 130:
“… I feel myself loosening up, as if a spoonful of something delicious has just entered my mouth. I understand how appetite and hunger and thirst and deprivation expand one’s palate. …”

May, Chapter 21, Page 130

What I’m learning is that when a salsera is denied what she thought she could easily have, it is then when she may realize that she wants something more. It’s a moment of truth for a salsera, to come face-to-face with her appetite, her hunger.

However, when a salsera offers you food she has cooked with her own hands, this is the best food in the world, and the answer should always be ‘yes’.


5 Sep


I miss you

I thought I wasn’t reckless with you

I thought it would go further than it did

I waited for you

And then my heart closed

Did yours too?

You are beautiful

I hope you dance again

Your hair up, your contacts on, wearing something sexy

I’ll whisper in your ear something rude

And you can withold salsa from me again